By Louis A. Zona
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio – When I was a boy of 10, I became fascinated with an apparent phenomenon, which was happening to many backyards and gardens in the old neighborhood.
What appeared were serpentine indentations in the earth that had the whole neighborhood wondering what could have caused these disturbances in the black earth of Center Street.
As a kid, I immediately thought that it was a large snake that was the overnight cause. And of course, there was the fascinating adolescent idea that the markings were caused by night-dwelling Martians who must have been dragging around hose-like devices that drew nutrients out of the soil.
Whatever caused these indentations, we will never know. Now it gets me to thinking about the longstanding mystery of crop circles. I think that most of us have a theory or two about these large circular cut outs that appear mostly on farmland and most appearing in the British Isles.
The unsolved mystery of those circular cut outs, which first appeared on British farmlands decades ago, remains unexplained. I have always believed that crop circles were produced by energetic and creative fraternity guys, who with a couple of beers to fire up their creative juices, spent a long night chopping away at a crop of string bean plants.
On the other hand, who am I to dismiss the idea that little green men, using sophisticated measuring and cutting devices to create perfect circles, are the culprits?
I surmise that these circles, especially those found in the British Isles appear to be perfect because nonhumans from outer space probably created them. I describe them as little green men since they would possibly blend into the green of cornfields or string bean plants.
In any case, no one has figured this thing out although I lean on the fraternity theory. Wait a minute. Maybe it’s farmers having a heck of a good time with our psyches. Maybe I am on to something since farmers, not fraternity boys, are more likely to be able to run the farm machinery and create such perfect cutting of crops.
Let me add this to the equation. Maybe, just maybe, the groundskeepers of baseball fields created the crop circles. I know that I am continually impressed by the amazing patterns produced by folks who cut the perfectly manicured outfield lawns of today’s ballparks.
But stop the presses! What do you think that Zamboni drivers do during the summer months? They sure as heck are not working on the ice that hockey teams use. That is winter fare. Yes, the Zamboni drivers’ union must be having one big laugh when its members haul these ice-flattening machines out to the farmlands of England, Scotland and Wales.
Frankly, I am relieved knowing that a longstanding mystery is solved. In addition, to think that I had put the blame on poor farmers and misunderstood fraternity boys. Forgive me fellows; I was only trying to help.
Then there is the big question of the existence of parallel universes. This is one way of proving that there just might be other people somewhere who look exactly like us. Gee, I hope not since I would not want another soul to possess the hang-ups that I regularly deal with.
But hey, does this not answer the question about missing socks that disappear without a clue? One minute you are sorting your clothes after drying them and you swear that two of your blue socks were together in the dryer.
Then you realize one is missing. Where did it go? Well, I will tell you where it went – it is on the floor of that parallel universe that you know must exist.
The darn sock has to be somewhere. But you know in your heart that it should be right under the ironing board where it fell. However, there is nothing there. You get down on your hands and knees determined to locate that other blue sock but it is gone, never to be found.
We must have faith that in some way we, ourselves, are either heading toward that parallel universe or are already in it, struggling with such quandaries as missing blue socks or disappearing favorite boxer shorts.
Then there is the ongoing question of whether ghosts exist. I will tell you that I have watched every single ghost program on television. I am still waiting to see a ghost. I do hear such things as ghost hunters who feel that something has touched their backs or scraped their legs.
I have seen nothing. Most recently, I have been watching a series on cable hosted by Jack Osborne who presents a mysterious happening or sighting and asks his father, Ozzy, and his mom, Sharon, to rate it on a believability scale.
For the most part, I see or hear nothing out of the ordinary in the Osborne show. Moreover, most everything can be explained either as a weather disturbance, reflecting lights on weather balloons or planes flying exceedingly high and lights flickering from the aircraft.
Despite the fact that I am somewhat skeptical of ghosts, Martians, and yes, even parallel universe theories, one person I find credible has claimed to see the arm of a figure in a church. The arm was adorned with clothing from another era. There was no interaction. Rather, it was a possible quick glance into another level of existence.